Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
