that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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