I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
