after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize