So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
