why didn't you poke me back
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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