Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
