what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
