I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
