Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize