girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
sex in a hospital.. check
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
