o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
