i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
