No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
