What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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