This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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