Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
