Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
