What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
please come you make the beer taste better
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
