His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
