Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
