loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
