It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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