some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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