WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
