I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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