can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
