They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
