When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
