Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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