the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
tell me about the fingering
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