you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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