So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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