What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
