She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
