as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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