Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
