i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it hurts more in the daytime
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
