her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
