it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
