he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
