C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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