so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
