Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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