I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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