I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
