glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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