So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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