A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
