I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
