i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
