just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
