Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
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