Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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