No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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