She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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