If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
