BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
