STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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