My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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