"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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