You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
