I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
