I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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