Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
