the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
