i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
