i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
