How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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